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February 2010

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And here are the last words of the day...

So my previous entry was most of what I had to say, but this one is the conclusion, I guess you can say. Anyways, it's kind of just come up in my mind more so than it did before, but it's come and gone in my mind. This particular thought. It's a painful thought, I might add. It's the thought of knowing I wasn't always "That Special Someone" in her life. I gave into temptation recently and came across some old photos. And it hurts to see them. Knowing that I wasn't even known in her life. I literally didn't exist to her. Someone else made her feel like the Princess that she truly is. Someone else gave her affection and love and spent time and money and made memories and kissed and held hands with and danced with and spent hours and days and weeks months and...years with. Giving time and affection. Caring, worrying for, thinking of. It wasn't Jacob Short. It's not a horrible thing that that's all true. It's just a tough fact to live with. And I don't think too many people think about that stuff. I'm pretty sure MOST people don't think about things like that with their girl/boyfriend. But, social networks are seriously...NOT good for relationships. Haha. Especially long distance relationships.

Anyways, It's tough seeing pictures. Knowing these things. I went snooping and got what I had coming. I have NO business looking in those places. And I know it hurts Kim when she knows I do that. And I apologize. My intentions aren't to hurt or to hurt myself, but...it just happens. I can't explain it. I'll just take blame and apologize. I feel like the next 21 and 1/2 years are years I want to make up for NOT being in her life. I want to take all her pain! Isn't that insane?? I want to take all her pain and give her all the happiness in the ENTIRE world!!! Love is an insane thing. And I love Kimberly. More than words can honestly describe. I feel like her and I coming together was NOT in any way, an accident. It was meant to happen! It was all meant to happen on the dates it did and times it did. It wasn't an accident. I just HATE the thought of not being in her life. Knowing that in 2008, Jacob Short didn't know Kimberly Medina. 2007, Jacob Short didn't know Kimberly Medina. 2006, I didn't know Kimberly. Kimberly had no idea who Jacob Short was! 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002...etc...it's hard to swallow. Knowing...it wasn't meant to be til' late April 2009. We weren't meant to actually meet til March and then Communicate in April! I'm sooo happy we met! I love you, Kimberly Medina...I love you.

Thank you for everything...